if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
