dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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