i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
