eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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