I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
