i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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