hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize