he told me I talked like a deaf person
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
