Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
