32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
