i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
