everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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