I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
sarcasm needs its own font
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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