I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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