she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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