This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
