he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
