did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
