If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
