Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
