'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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