i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
