I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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