I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
