her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
