His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize