I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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