I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
