god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
