So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
