He is an equal opportunity slut.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Come share oat with me in your robe
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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