Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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