Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
