I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
