is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just invented taco cereal.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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