I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
