kristin has been a bad kristin
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
