man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize