i was born a porn star she said
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
