my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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