Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
