Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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