your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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