Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
