Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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