I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize