here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
