I met the friendliest cop last night
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
