Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
