My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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