My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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