Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
well you can't waste a boner
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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