What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
