I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize