Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
