just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
