I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
