Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
