The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
