i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
