She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
