WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
