the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
