Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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