Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
