Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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