oh god the rape fog is back!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
