well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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