tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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