Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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