i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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