Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
