Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize