Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
