I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
