My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
