So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
