OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
