If you die in college, do you die in real life?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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