Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
this will be a night to untag.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize