Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
