My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
