After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
