she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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