How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize