I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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