hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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