Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She even gives head with a lisp.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
