Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
