Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
