I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
