another moral hangover. fuck.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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