i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
