He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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