yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
