"it" just moved
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
