she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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