i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
