We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
as a side note pls kill me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
