Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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