Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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