I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize