Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
