dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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