I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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