I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize