my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
