the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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