She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
