i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just pee around me
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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