i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
